The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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