Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
