Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
