I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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