I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fuck appropriateness.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
