and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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