My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
