420 ftw
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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