They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
