My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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