i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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