Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
