Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
