wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she peed on how many people?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
