Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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