i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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