Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
