Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
