i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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