I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is wine microwaveable?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
