i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
