Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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