Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
