Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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