So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
