So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
