that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
