Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
