My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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