and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
