I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
