im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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