a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
