I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
