please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
