so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize