So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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