Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
