those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
