Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That accounts for only three of the penises
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
