I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
