i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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