there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
