the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
