I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
