He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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