the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
