I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
