Don't you send me to vm
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
