You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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