Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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