I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
