I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
