We're like a lot better than the average bears
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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