jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
