Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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