90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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