Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
