Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
