Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
