Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
