if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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