Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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