If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
