Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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