he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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