I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
