whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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