By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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