Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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