Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
