I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
