cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
