This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.