Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Welcome to every minute of my life.

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  (502): I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad? (1-502): Welcome to every minute of my life. http://tfl.nu/dbgu
  Replies (25) Good night (2676) Bad night (781)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.

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  (203): I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do. http://tfl.nu/muw0
  Replies (16) Good night (3160) Bad night (742)
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  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

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  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7550) Bad night (1300)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (8415) Bad night (1617)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

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  (516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8
  Replies (18) Good night (1244) Bad night (8786)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker

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  (210): I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker http://tfl.nu/tvqf
  Replies (8) Good night (2881) Bad night (922)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

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  (443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz
  Replies (3) Good night (669) Bad night (1686)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.

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  (703): I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face. http://tfl.nu/cgkz
  Replies (16) Good night (636) Bad night (2747)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.

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  (402): She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago. http://tfl.nu/udi4
  Replies (4) Good night (515) Bad night (1236)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands

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  (303): We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands http://tfl.nu/8ws6
  Replies (2) Good night (492) Bad night (848)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.

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  (406): Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me. http://tfl.nu/igpq
  Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (396)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.

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  (518): Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit. (1-518): Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger. http://tfl.nu/7ysx
  Replies (3) Good night (1654) Bad night (332)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.

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  (814): The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends. http://tfl.nu/0kea
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (361)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...

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  (720): What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book... http://tfl.nu/q46p
  Replies (5) Good night (1116) Bad night (243)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.

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  (318): She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust. http://tfl.nu/o3wc
  Replies (4) Good night (678) Bad night (329)

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