WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children