and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
