There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it glows. i had to have it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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