I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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