FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!