He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
