dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize